


In a Ruined World, What You Need is a Strong Soul

by thebeastinsideusall



Series: Supernatural [12]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, Alternate Universe - Zombies, Apocalypse, F/M, Older Jensen, Sex with jensen ackles, Sexual themes later, Survival, Zombie Apocalypse, Zombies, dang, hopefully they survive, id fuck him, its worth it in the end, jareds wife is kinda a bitch, just in this story, just not now, lots of tension, not her own kids but family, not when you need to post in a timeframe, oc loved the show, ofc has kids to take care of, shes really a sweetheart, somehow these fuckers are still alive, stay tuned, tagging is so tedious, the walking dead happened to the real world, who the fork knows, who the fuck cares hes a god, who the hell wouldnt, will there be baddies?, younger ofc
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-25
Updated: 2018-03-29
Packaged: 2019-02-06 14:13:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 14,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12819264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebeastinsideusall/pseuds/thebeastinsideusall
Summary: It happened....  a world everyone had enjoyed watching on screen became the new reality. Blood and strife, mass killings and the dead walk the earth. When you're kept away from people, you rely on yourself. So what you need in a ruined world, is a strong fucking soul.





	1. Chapter 1

Wind was picking up outside. Bringing with it the chill of an early winter and the threat of the cold yet again. Wood needed chopped, game killed and smoked for storage. Preparations needed made for this coming season and all I could think about was catching those last few warm rays from the sun before it vanished behind the tree lined horizon. Wishing I could follow it but again I couldn't. I had others besides myself to care for, ones who couldn't do it on their own just yet. 

So I let out a quiet breath, hitched the rifle onto my shoulder and dropped from the roof to the ground a single story below on steady legs. It's been two years since the dead rose. Two years since society fell. A year and half since the army was decimated and a year since I had traveled to find my sister and her family, only to find them dead and my nephews and niece struggling to open canned food in the blockaded kitchen of my sister's ranch house. 

When I had found them, I had been on my own for six months. My boyfriend was gone, the idiot wasn't a very good hunter, and had walked right into a group of the dead. Luckily, I was a good hunter. I knew where to step and how to hunt correctly, how to stay hidden in plain sight and keep my steps silent as death. That's how I found those kids, starving and so damn happy to find them alive somehow. I had just enough gas in my truck to go back to my small house across two counties, stock up every shell of ammo i had hidden and anything else, and take it back to my sisters house. In all, it was much sturdier and stronger then my small one and the barn was secure, keeping the horses safe inside as well as the two cows they had for milking. 

It had taken us a couple weeks to clear out the dead from the surrounding area and gather what supplies we could from the barns and the sheds around. But what little or not we had found didn't matter, I had to take care of them. I literally was the only person who could now. But I took the job thrust onto me with steadfast determination. I loved these kids and I would do anything to keep them safe. Anything. The house wasn't small, having several bedrooms and a basement. We stayed in the main room with the fireplace in the colder months. There was a wood burning stove that kept the house warm and it was the main source for our heat and cooking. 

I moved easily and quietly through the yard and toward the pile of wood I had been collecting through the summer. After every storm I would go out and collect the thick branches that had fallen, chopping my way through saplings and fallen trees as fast as I could. Hauling the larger ones back toward the house with the help of one of the horses. We had enough for a month or two, but we'd need more to last the winter here. 

Indiana was a strange state for winters. We could have snow one day and fifty degree weather the next. The temperature fluctuating weekly. But when it really snowed, it snowed, and more than likely we could be snowed into the house. That's why I need to chop more wood, find more and larger game and smoke the meat, dry the pelt for blankets. I was no pioneer woman, but my uncles were of native american decent and had taught or explained many things that I remembered through my younger years. I'm a quick study. 

I could hunt with a gun easily as breathing. Bow and arrow came second nature because that's the only sport I excelled at in high school, I was good, really good. Enough that I had two shelves of first and second place trophies on the wall at my mothers house... skinning a deer was like cutting out an outline, simple. Using every piece available to me. Even the hearts and livers, anything to provide for those kids and myself. 

When I'm not hunting for food or pelts to use for blankets or even clothing. I'm searching in the woods for berries or mushrooms, my little helpers at my sides and close by. Using books I took from the library to help teach me how to make jams or preserves from what I could find in the woods or in people's long abandoned gardens in town. 

You know, I expected a lot more people to be prepared for this. I had been. There's a reason I had twenty assorted guns locked up tight in my home. Thousands, literally thousands of rounds for my rifles and shot guns. I wasn't one of those bomb shelter people that hoarded crap and couponed like crazy for the apocalypse. But those people that hoarded toilet paper didn't last a month, while I've lasted nearly two years. Priorities people. Get your protection pieces before your other necessities. 

That's why there aren't anymore people in this town on the river. People left, going to the bigger cities, trying for military bases. I stayed put, why leave? The dead will go for the larger groups of food. Like any predator. People called me crazy and stupid, that I wasn't thinking straight and wanted to die. They were wrong. I wanted to live and I plan to keep doing for as long as I can.


	2. Chapter 2

The steady thwacking of the ax cutting through chunks of wood was relaxing. Keeping my focus beyond listening for anything to be worried about. The soft neighs of the horses every few minutes from the small corral where I let them outside during the day. The small tinkling laughter of my niece and youngest nephew inside the house playing board games or coloring, I'm not sure which because they change so often. The soft thunks of a knife against wood as my eldest nephew sat high up on the roof of the small wood shed, carving into a chunk of pine. 

Lucas was my rock. He was eleven years old and every girls dream for a perfect little brother. He was attentive to his younger siblings, keeping them safe and always under his watch when I was gone hunting. Always at my back for keeping watch while I needed my back turned. He watched his mother get killed and his step father mauled by the dead. He had seen enough to make him wary of the world and open his eyes. I felt bad for it, that he had to stop being normal but...that wasn't an option anymore. 

"Aunt Jess?" Lucas' voice had me instantly dropping the ax and reaching for the pistol kept in the holster on my thigh. Looking up at him as he watched the road from his higher vantage point.

"Car." He dropped down and knew exactly what iI would say to him. Go inside, lock up the house, hide in the closet and don't you dare come to the door unless it's me. 

I sneaked around the side of the house, wary and angry. No one had come down that road in months, not a soul. Not a car either. The last group that had found had paid the price for threatening my kids. Their remains pushed into the river to add to the dead there. I did everything to protect my family. 

The car was nice, or it used to be. A Mercedes Bens from the look of it. The once sleek car was now covered in dirt and mud. A spare tire that was just a tiny bit too small for the left front wheel. You could see the smoke coming from the hood, hear the screeching of the engine as it finally rolled to a stop. The entire thing shaking from being run out of any gas it had then finally sputtering to a stop comically like in the shows that were once on the television. 

I waited in my hiding spot, hidden behind the overgrowing brush around the front of the house. flicking the safety off of my pistol, ready for whatever hell may be coming my way and full set on surviving it. I waited. Watched as the front doors opened, whispered words said and the hood of the car popping free as it was released remotely. Long jean clad legs came into view and as the two figures came out of the car, my breath caught. 

These were face I hadn't seen since before the fall of society. I had watched them many a night with girlfriends or by myself. Screaming, crying and smiling at their antics and hardships on screen. You could have called me obsessed at the time, a fangirl of the highest degree. I had shirts and hoodies and handbags, bracelets and necklaces. One of which I still wore respectively. A leather and silver twisted bracelet, the wing gone but the enochian symbols still held on tight by the braids. The silver and gold necklace still hung around my neck, an anti possession symbol to match the tattoo over my left breast. A relic now, something I had been wearing when everything went to shit and now revered as a good luck charm. 

By all intents and purposes, these people shouldn't be alive. They lived in big cities with lots of people and lots of the dead. How the hell were Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki still alive in this new world? I guess all those years fighting fake supernatural beings meant they could actually fend for themselves when the apocalypse really happens. So what the actual fuck were they doing on MY FARM?


	3. Chapter 3

They were both hunched over the engine of the car, smoke and steam rolling between them and I couldn't stop staring at the sight before me. Chestnut cropped hair, greenest green eyes. Long waving locks of chocolate over hazel eyes and both of them bulging with muscle though a bit thinner then I remembered them being. Of course that was on a show and they were bulked up for the part, now the world was in tears and there was scarcely any food to be had. 

But no matter who or what they used to be. Right now they were here on my place. Their presence alone threatening my kids in that house and that livestock in the barn. I didn't know if they would try and take it or force me out, but neither one would be happening anytime soon. My choice made I stepped from the brush, pistol held front and cupped in my hands as I rounded the side of the garage.

"Hands where I can see them! NOW!" I nearly screamed it because they had in fact reached to the guns I now knew held in their jeans. Their hands slowly rose, Jared's motioning slightly for whoever was in the car still to stay inside. 

"We just need some help.." Jensen started and I shut that right up real quick. 

"Don't give a flying fuck, you got stranded in the wrong place for help. Turn around." I waited, gun raised between them, trying and failing to get a look at the people or person in the car. I could see movement in the tinted windows but nothing else. 

Their eyes narrowed at the sight of me. I knew I wasn't much to look at. Slightly above average height at five foot seven. My hair was a mess, there was no point in taming the wild locks of light chestnut hair. I used to be blonde, fucking genetics made it darken every year. I miss being blonde, no one gave you any credit. You could hide behind that hair. I was thin too but it didn't seem like it anymore in the layers I had started to wear for the impending winter. But the look of fury and anger in my eyes I knew, was enough to make them freeze at the sight. Daddy always told me steel blues were the epitome of conveying your emotions. Could make a grown man freeze. 

"Guns and weapons on the car, now." They didn't move and I took a step, firing off a shot two feet from their boots. Making them jump and move to the side. "Guns on the car please." I asked softer, smiling that wicked smirk I felt whenever I threatened someone bigger then me. They moved their guns to the car like I had asked, a pistol each and a knife as well, that was it . 

"Look we don't want any trouble." Jared started and raised his hands in that telling gesture that said he as surrendering. Hazel eyes wide and fear filled and I honestly relished in the fact I could make this giant of a man feel frightened. 

"Don't care, got anymore people in that car with you?" I wanted to know how important this person was to them. Their eyes met and there was a silent conversation I had witnessed so many times on screen but didn't know it really existed between the two. Jared motioned for whoever was inside to come out.

The passenger door opened again, more whispered words and I could distinctly hear the sound of a whimpering baby inside that car. My gun lowered a fraction of an inch and Jensen saw it, eyes narrowing. A woman I barely knew by name but knew by face stood before me , curling into Jared's side and he slowly lowered his arms to curl around her protectively. This was Jared's wife. 

I took a deep breath, watched the three of them. I couldn't do it. No matter who or what they were before, they were still parents and I couldn't do that to children. My gun lowered to my side, loosely put back in the holster and if they tried anything they wouldn't know how fast I could draw that bastard. 

"You got all your kids with you?" Their brows furrowed and I took a step closer, they were wary and I had given them no reason to think anything other than that I was dangerous. But I tugged the necks down on my shirt and sweaters, revealing the tattoo I had gotten years ago on impulse because I had loved the show so much. Embarrassed now but a bit thankful. "I used to watch the show..." was all I said. I knew they would understand what I meant. That I knew who they were and that they had kids of their own. Parts of their lives hadn't been private. 

'Yeah, all of them.." Jensen spoke, and his voice was exactly that you would expect it to be on meeting the man himself. I blew a breath out of my nose, hands now on my hips as I regarded them all. There was a soft wail of a baby and Jared's wife, I could not for the life of me remember her name, turned and slowly backed up to open the door and got back inside the car, quieting the crying. 

I didn't really know what to do. They looked haggard and worn, thin and gaunt and starving. I didn't WANT to turn them away. But I also didn't want this many people coming into my home, our safe haven. The pros and cons relaying through my mind. I would have more help protecting my own kids as well as theirs. More help hunting and heavy lifting. Help basically all around. The cons.. more mouths to feed, more blankets needed. More supplies to be scrounged for when there was nothing left...

"Look I know it's weird and all but, can you help us?" Jared's voice was tight, tired. Like he hadn't slept in days and he most likely hadn't. The heavy beard growth on both their face was evident that they hadn't had good supplies in awhile. My heart was breaking at the sight of them. If they looked this bad I could only imagine what the kids looked like. 

"The car's toast, I'm sorry. I know a lot of things and I could probably tell you what's wrong with it, but there's no parts store around and no way I could fix what I think is wrong with it without a new engine." The smell gave it away as I took another step closer to the smoking car. "You ran it out of oil and blew a head gasket. There's no fixing that without a lot of parts and help." I solemnly told them and they both sighed heavily.

"Jensen.." He held out his hand, introducing himself as cordially as he could considering the circumstance and I paused. Taking his hand and shook it, saw him frown at the callouses and scars surrounding the palm and fingers. Years of shooting a bow, working with my hands, skinning animals and now chopping wood had worn the once soft skin to rough flesh. 

"Jess.." I shook Jared's hand timidly, watched as they watched me as I clipped the safety on the pistol and latched the strap over the barrel to the holster. Showing them I was putting the gun away. Forming a truce with these men who used to be actors. 

I took a breath as Jared's wife came out of the car, two little boys at her legs, a little girl with green eyes and a baby in her arms, another in a car seat. Oh god...so many kids. How the fuck...

"I don't have a lot in the way of baby clothes but maybe my boys will have something they could wear till we clean you guys up." I turned my head, taking my eyes away from the little girl with chestnut blonde hair and green eyes to the molten forest of green staring at me wide eyed. "I have plenty of room, we can figure something out in the morning." I pointed to the sky where it was beginning to get dark already. Winter making the days shorter. "Sun's going down and I got to lock up the barn and house for the night."

They didn't say much, well the men didn't. They gave me strange looks while Jared's wife, who I finally got her name, Genevieve. gave me a wide strong hug and was barely holding back tears as I walked them to the house. They had been on the road a long while, months I'm guessing. My eyes locked with green for a split second, mind blank. 

"Lucas? Baby open the door it's me, it's safe." It took a moment but the door cracked open, Lucas' fearful determined eyes locked onto mine. His hands holding the flip knife tight in his grip until he saw I was in fact alright. I knew eyes were on me as I pulled the knife from his smaller hands and pulled him into my side. His arms wrapped around me and I kissed his temple, kid was growing like a weed lately. 

"Go inside and get your brother and sister okay? We have guests for the night." He was wary and I knew he would be, but Lucas was always my right hand. He never questioned my orders since I found them. So he trudged back inside and I led the group behind me, making sure the door was securely latched and locked and the barricade pushed into it. A dresser full of bricks but it kept any unfriendlies out. 

The kids soon all met and little Lilly, my niece, took such an attachment to Jesen's little girl, they hid out in the corner where the dolls and toys were kept to play with her new friend. Lucas and Darren, my nephews, were much older than Jared's boys but they still sat and opened what was left of our Lego stash, sharing their toys well with the younger ones. 

I stood against the living room wall near the door, arms crossed and hips against the wall. Watching my kids behave like a mother I never got to be because I'm barely into my 22 year. Thank god though, that I was never that girl that got pregnant at fifteen. Idiots. I made idol chit chat with the other adults. Asking them how they got here and what not. Turns out, they had been on a small vacation in Florida and had headed inland when shit hit the fan. They're lucky they made it this far. 

And as I'm watching Jensen play with his son Zeppelin and the twin girl Arrow. I'm hit with a sudden realization. His wife is gone. I can see the hurt and the sadness in his eyes as he looks at those twins and the way they light up as one of them giggles or the other smiles. His wife was lost in the chaos. 

"You made it this far, you'll be fine." I spoke softly, needing an out of whatever emotions were welling up inside me. I moved the barricade. Lucas at my side and I smiled and pushed him back inside, saying I left the rifle out by the wood pile and needed to bring some inside. I knew someone followed me, but it wasn't Lucas. His steps were soft and light, these were heavy, booted and held a dominance in the stride. 

I made my way to the wood pile, my thoughts making me less likely to watch my surroundings and I didn't see the dead man walking up on me from the side. I felt the grab of my arm and I had just enough reaction time to push the zombie off of my side and arm. Not wanting to upset the kids inside I grabbed my knife, flipped it over and slammed it into the dead man's skull. The squish of rotten brain matter splattering over my wrist and I grunted, yanking out the knife and spraying blood and brain matter over the wood pile. 

"Jesus Christ." I had forgotten I was followed in the moment the dead had attacked me. Jensen stood, jaw slack as I wiped the juice from my knife onto my pants, shoulder the assault rifle and pointed to the body.

"Help me get this around back, don't want the kids to see it." That was enough for him to grab a leg and help me yank the squishy and moldered body around the wood shed and toward the thin woods. We walk silently back towards the house, stopping by the wood pile.

"Here let me." And he's taking the bulk of the wood I'm carrying so I can grab some more. His larger and longer arms carrying what would take me three trips in one of his. It's weird, because I haven't had any contact besides my kids in a year. Here's another human being, that's alive and breathing and older than me and I can't seem to really talk to him or act like I should.

"Thanks." Blue meets green for a moment and he gives me a small smile, I don't return it, too freaked out by this entire situation. Here stands Jensen Ackles, one of my, okay THE most amazing actors of my time, helping me carry wood inside my sisters house and zombies walking around the earth.


	4. Chapter 4

The fire was stoked, added wood to keep it going. My internal clock would wake me up in time to refill it like always. Blankets were handed out and I realized we would need more if these people stayed. When normal blankets weren't warm enough I pulled from the stack of pelts. This is why I kept them after they dried. The leather was soft inside and the fur on the outside was warm and kept in heat better then any quilt. 

"Here, it'll keep them warm." I handed Jared a pile of them, pointing towards his sons who lay curled up between he and his wife. Winter hadn't quite hit but it would soon, I'd need to hunt more. Jared smiled and I tentatively gave one back, surreal. I felt surreal, standing here smiling at the one and only Jared Padalecki. But now he wasn't an actor anymore, he was a man trying to keep his family safe. 

"Thank you." I only nodded back, taking another arm full of the pelts towards where Jensen was making a bed of blankets for his daughters and son on a thin twin mattress. Months ago i had taken all the boxsprings and busted them up for wood. Now all the mattresses from the different bedrooms were near the fireplace for warmth. 

He was a good father, making sure his kids were warm and safe. Opting to sleep against the wall beside them to keep watch, ever their guardian. I remembered I did that for a long while when I first found my nephews and niece. How I'd go without sleep in the night just to make sure they were warm and safe. 

"Here," Jensen looked at the pelts and he looked confused as I handed them to him. Another strange look but he covered up the small one year old twins and the little girl with the make shift blankets. Taking one himself and I could tell he felt the difference of heat. He went to thank me but I was already up and moving, tucking in Lucas, Darren and Lilly. The younger two curling into my sides, Lucas against his sister, protecting her even in sleep. 

I sat there for a long time, staring at the flickering flames I could see through the half open door of the wood stove. Watching them dance and weave around and how the wood was slowly yet quickly destroyed. It had to have been hours, processing how exactly the people in my home were actually here. Actors, people who are in shows I've watched a hundred times over. Really here, here. Across the fucking room from me. 

I couldn't take it much longer. The need to hunt, to get away from people, to clear my thoughts. I needed fresh air and the blood of a fresh kill on my hands. It's morbid, I know. But it's primal and you wouldn't believe how thearuputic it can be skinning a deer or hog. Slowly, I pulled myself away from the pile of children, smiling when Lucas woke up. Telling him I'm going for a hunt and to go back to sleep. 

The door latched shut behind me, I knew Lucas would wake up and let me in when I came back. I had left the assault rifle back there, tucked under the corner of the mattress and close to Lucas' hands. He could shoot it, if he didn't have to shoot far. He'd be safe, these men weren't killers, at least I hoped not. 

The woods are quiet tonight. The air chilled and I could feel the wetness in the air. A storm was coming in and like my uncles had taught me, I knew which animals came out at what time and what type of weather. A fast approaching storm meant that coyotes were out and about and though they are hard to get close to, I'm upwind and have excellent eye sight from hunting so many times at night. I welcomed the cool and the damp settling over my bones. It made me alert, focused on my task. 

I crouched down into a valley where I knew they would prowl through. Waiting silently, still as the trees around me. The moonlight lighting up the surrounding area like daylight. The full moon was approaching  soon. I waited and waited. As the moon moved over the sky and the stars sparkled high above me, I waited for my prey to come closer and soon enough they had, a small pack of them. 

Coyotes look like dogs or foxes from a distance and I will warn you right now. Coyotes are vicious little things when cornered. But you never heard much about them being feral and attacking people because they are also very smart animals. If they catch a scent of human they bolt, clear back to their den. They're skittish and terrified of people. It makes them harder to hunt. I like a challenge. 

Closer and closer they creep. It took me nearly five minutes but now my gun is raised up, aimed and the safety off. If I'm quick enough I can maybe get off three shots before they crest the hill back to their den. Hopefully I'm lucky. I looked trough the sights, hairs crossed and I exhaled, made my arms become steady as I fired off the shot, then two more. 

"Dammit.." I swore under my breath. The third shot hit it's target but in the leg and not the chest or hindquarters. It meant the animal would most likely survive and be injured, in pain for several days until it died. A waste of meat and a bullet. I felt bad, somewhere on the inside, but that part went quiet a long while back. 

Carcasses tied together by a strip of leather, thrown over my back as I made my way back to the house. I was a few miles out, enough that the sound of the shot would be very muffled and hopefully not wake up the group inside the house. My feet carrying me as I wondered in my thoughts, one ear to the sounds around me in case of a dead. But none came. It was a snapped twig, the snuff of a snout just yards away that made me freeze and relax my stance. 

A young buck was out and grazing. It was late for deer but every now and then they would venture out for more food when it was scarce. I wondered how fast I could aim and get a shot in it before the sound of the coyotes hitting the ground and the smell of death scared off the animal. It took a second for my decision. Dropping the carcasses, pulling the safety back, and pulled the trigger. It hit the mark, the buck stumbled a few steps before dropping. Legs out kicking as blood filled it punctured lungs. I did hate to watch them suffer though, so with a sigh I withdrew my knife and slit the beasts throat. Survival. 

I picked up the deer carcass in a fireman's carry. Coytoes in either hand now to balance me out. I trudged my way back to the house. The sun coming up, not quite yet but the dark hues of the sky were becoming lighter. I could hear blue birds that hadn't migrated yet singing in the trees. Waking up with the sun. A bright new day in their lives, nothing had changed for them but the turning of the seasons and oddly, I fe;t that we were slowly getting accustomed to that as well. Instead of months and dates and years. We were simply moving through the seasons. Providing for our families and staying alive for the next day to repeat it all over again.


	5. Chapter 5

By the time I got back to the house, Lucas was standing outside the door, assault rifle in hand and making the much larger men nervous as they stood around, watching the kids play in the small backyard. Lucas knew how to listen for my steps by now. I saw him perk up, shoulder the rifle and take off into the brush towards me. 

"Hey there bud, go get my skinning knife and the coolers." He took the coyotes from me, stringing them up on a low branch as I continued to pack the small deer to the group of people outside. Staring at me with wide open mouths. "What?"

"Jesus, you killed all of that and packed it back here?" Jensen asked and I shrugged, well as much as I could with a near two hundred pound weight on my shoulders. You would think its impossible for an average woman to carry this. But it's really simple once you get the right type of carry down. I can carry a full sized buck for maybe a mile before I have to break. 

I finally knelt down and felt hands help take the animal from my shoulders, helping me up as I stood and stretched out my arms from the ache that had started halfway back home. "We need to eat and I'm sure you're all hungry for something other than canned peaches or beans?" They nodded and Gen, the sweetheart, offered to help but I can see the timidness as she neared the carcass. Couldn't deal with squeamishness. So I politely declined.

Lucas brought me my skinning knife, a monstrous thing that I use every chance I could. It was razor sharp and could split open your leg clear down to the bone like your muscle was melted butter. It was sheathed which is why I let him get it for me, he knew from experience how deadly this thing was. "Thanks bud." I ruffled his hair and told him to go watch his siblings. 

Jensen and Jared both offered to help, but I declined yet again. I didn't know their expertise and I didn't want anything wasted. I knew they meant well but I told them it might be better to watch the kids. "Lucas, go feed. Take Jensen with you?" The larger man nodded, much larger jesus he was tall. He walked with the small boy as they headed to the barn, Lucas' small knife strapped to his thigh.

"Thank you, so much Jess. We really appreciate this." Jared spoke as he came up to me, helping tug the rope that held the deer up off the ground. Watched with fascination as I slit it's throat to bleed it dry. Blood on my hands and chunks of hair. 

"Dont thank me just yet." I waited for him to say something but he didn't so I continued. "I realize who you are, boy do I know who you are." I kept my face toward my task at hand, skinning the animal before me with practiced movements. "It's fine if you want to stay here. It's warm and secluded, safe as we can get right now. But you're not staying here for free." Finally I looked up, a drop of blood spattering itself on my upper arm as I ripped the skin from the body. 

"I understand." I heard a small squeal and turned quickly to check on Lilly, I knew her laughs and her squeals. I relaxed seeing her only splattering dirt all over her jeans as she played with Darren. My eyes went back to the giant of a man beside me. 

"What do you have to offer?" I went back to yanking the skin from the carcass. Tossing it fur side sown on a log to be pinned and dried later. 

"Well me and Jen and both shoot fairly well. Genevieve is good with cooking anything from anything." 

"Thank the lord, because there are only so many ways you can cook deer." I smiled a bit, thankful they weren't going to be dead weight here. "Can you hunt? Sometimes I kill more than I can carry. Or ride a horse? Milked a cow?" He gave me a strange look and I smirked. Most people hadn't ever entertained the idea of that last one.

"Jensen's better at hunting than I am but we both can. Not as good as you obviously..." He gestured to where I was slicing up the hindquarters of muscle into slabs and slapping them down into the clean cooler. 

"Horse riding? No can't say I have, Jensen did take lessons though for that one episode."

"Where you were sent back in time to get pheonix ash but Cas was hurt and couldn't find the strnength to zap you back and you were on a time constraint.." I realized I had given the synopsis for the episode from heart and he chuckled as I blushed in embarrassment. 

"Yeah that one... weird isn't it?"

"What is? Meeting you in person or the fact that it's actually you guys and you're still alive and in my yard right now after I spent maybe eleven years watching you guys on television?" I snorted and he was right, god this was weird. "I feel like I'm in some sort of creepy ass fan fiction or episode written by a fan."

Jared shivers and chuckles. "Yeah that's pretty messed up actually." 

I didn't say anything, keep slicing up the meat and tossing it into the clean cooler at my feet. Slowly that deer turned into nothing but a puddle of drying blood, a skin, a hanging skeleton and a cooler full of meat. I started on the coyotes next. They were smaller and needed special attention to the legs so I wouldn't muck up the pelts. I felt Jared watching me, but I felt no need to speak. I wasn't used to other adults around me anymore. 

Lucas came trotting back to me, his sense of timing impeccable as always, just as I was throwing the last chunk of meat into the cooler. "Ready for the salt aunt Jess?" I knew that threw the other adults off, like I had thought, they assumed these were actually my own children. But family is family, so yes they were my kids, just not by birth. "Start filling up the smoke house with kindling like I showed you, after you bring me the curing salt." 

"How do you know how to do all this stuff? Were you some kind of survivalist?" Jensen asked coming up to my side,grabbing the other side of the cooler towards the smoke house on the other side of the yard. I shrugged a bit, wanting to blush under the slight praise but I just couldn't muster the blood cells, I was starving. Realizing I hadn't eaten in maybe a day or two. 

"My family, at least my mothers side, was almost full blooded Sioux Indian. They learned things growing up and since my uncles didn't have any kids they passed all that knowledge to me as I grew up." I huffed as we dropped the cooler to the ground, feeling the lack of sleep too. I needed a nap... 

"That's insane. Growing up all I did was climb trees, start fires with matches and blow up mailboxes with cherry bombs." Jensen gave a small smile and I returned it back to him. Still surreal having him in the flesh and blood before me. Talking to me like an adult, not like a fan. Like a person. Because he was one too now, wasn't he? No, he always was a normal person, underneath it all. he was still listening, so i kept going.

"I grew up in the woods basically, I mean I wasn't a wild person or anything but my family was very into living off the land when we could and I always knew this might happen." I pointed to the rifle now hanging on the strap off my shoulder. 

"That and you watched the show too." Je grinned a bit and at that I did smile. 

"That had nothing to do with it... okay it did, a bit. I mean, heaven falling? I'm not too religious but I knew something would happen." I looked off into the woods surrounding the house, scanning for the dead but also taking in the sight of the trees and undergrowth starting to take over the once well groomed paths. "Mother nature was dying, we were killing the lands and waters we thrive off of and no one was helping those who knew what was happening to her. She's taking back her body and those of us still alive are going to be the ones to teach the future generations how to treat her right again."

I stared off into the woods for a moment longer, suddenly realizing what I had said and shrugging it off. I picked up the cooler and went into the smoke house, patted Lucas on the head as he started to build the flooring full of kindling and cedar wood we chopped specifically for this. Ignoring the heavy stare at my back, opting to start hanging up the heavy slabs of meat by the iron hooks in the ceiling. 

After a moment of watching I suppose Jensen wanted to help. Silently the larger man crowded beside me in the hut and rolled his sleeves up, hanging up the meat as he watched me. I softly corrected him if the hook was too high up or too low, otherwise it was a soft silence and something I actually sort of enjoyed. I looked over at this man by my side, his face kind and honest, but hardened by this new life we all needed to live to survive. A side I'd only witnessed through interviews on tv or youtube, from conventions or talk shows. But under all that fame he used to have, I could see the kind man he still was, even after all this. I'm hit again that he's lost his wife, because she's not here to take care of those twins with him. He'd lost his partner and I felt horrible that this kind man had lost that. He didn't deserve to be alone. 

 


	6. Chapter 6

With the sun steadily moving towards the middle of the sky, signaling noon time and the wafting scent of smoking meat from the shack, I needed to set the adults down and explain a few things. If this was going to work, everyone needed to pitch in something. No one would stay here for free, and everyone needed to know how things were done around here. I wasn't letting anything go astray when my kid's lives depended on me and me alone, wether or not there were other's here. 

"Jared, Jensen, I'd like to speak with you all." Motioning for them to follow but not turning back to make sure they were, I headed toward the outdoor fire pit. The chars still looked a bit new and the stone was still a nice clean color. One of those moments where I suddenly missed my sister. Her expensive tastes and no end of money. 

With the older men sat across form me, I leaned my hip on the small tower of stone and brick that housed the fire pit. My arms crossed and I took a deep breath. "Winter's on it's way. I've only hunted and trapped enough for us four." I turned to lock eyes with them both, Gen wringing her hands in her lap as she simultaneously listens to me and watches the children play a few yards away in the dying grass.

"If you stay here, you work for it, everyone." My eyes met Gen's and she nodded timidly. I get the feeling I...intimidated this older woman. Good, she needed to buck up or shut up in my book. 

"We'll help, with whatever you need. We cant spend another winter without shelter..." Jensen spoke and his eyes took a faraway look to them. It hit me, that's why his wife isn't here. She probably didn't survive the last harsh winter we had. It had gotten so cold that I'd lost a calf and young horse, their blood had nearly froze in their veins. 

"That's fine, I expect it. I hunt, you learn the routine for the animals, keep the wood cut."

"We can help.." I raised my hand with that comment from Jared.

"As much as I'd actually like the help to at least carry them back, I don't think you realize how I hunt. Until I gauge if you can keep up with me, stay here." I pointed towards the kids playing, Darren and Lucas, older than the rest by far, watched with hawk like eyes to keep all the younger ones herded together and Lucas watching around them like he was supposed to. Making sure the dead hasn't sneaked past the tree line. 

"Lucas keeps watch most of the day, that'll split between every adult now. Your kids need clothes for the winter and we'll need more supplies, triple what I've got right now. It wont last a month with all the extra people." Again I raised my hand to stop them from speaking. "I understand I may seem harsh, but the reality of it is this. We survive, no matter what. I will do whatever it takes to keep me and mine safe, well fed and warm. I'd expect you all to want the same. In order to do that we have to work together and work hard. Understood?" They all nodded solemnly to me, hopefully I hadn't been to brash. 

"We'll do our best Jess, thank you." With a humorless smirk I turned and walked toward the kids, it was about time for naps for my two youngest. "Don't thank me until spring comes." 

Leaning down I picked up Lilly. "Hey little munchkin." She's giggly and happy, reaching her hands into my long hair and tugging gently. Frowning I try to hide it as I take her toward the house. She hadn't spoken hardly a few words since her parents died. I wasn't going to force it. 

A hand grabbed my jean clad thigh and I paused in the doorway, turning so I could see who had grabbed me. It was Justice, Jensen's little girl. Shy smile turned up towards me, god she was cute. I held my hand out that wasn't holding Lilly and Justice took it with her own small one. I looked over my shoulder at Jensen, watched for any sign I had gone too far but he only gave a slight nod and picked up his twins from the old quilt they had been sat on. 

~~~~~~

Jensen's POV

~~~~~~

The way Justice ran up to Jess, this young woman who seemed so put together and strong and fierce, wanted to hold the woman's hand and smiled up at her. God it made my chest ache like a fire poker had stabbed my heart. Justice looked at....I shook my head to clear the thoughts it was having, picking up Arrow and Zep, my two little twins who babbled and squealed at everything. I could tell what Jess was doing, the way her two youngest started to curl up on their bed under a blanket, justice trailing behind Jess's every move with awe. It was nap time for the little ones and I agreed, the twins were half asleep already. Jared's two boys were yawning into hands from running around all morning non stop without being stuck in a car all day. 

"Jess, can I get the book?" Darren asks as Jess tucks in justice beside Lilly, the two fast friends already. I watched as Jess smiled a bit and nodded, crossing her legs to sit on the floor and waited for Darren to hand her a worn paperback copy of Harry Potter.

As the words spilled from her mouth, I couldn't help but be astounded by her. This girl, she was reading a book to get children to sleep. Simple in the action but it felt so much more. The way Lucas and Lilly watched her intently, eyes wide as they paid attention to every word. Her voice soft and strong, rough worn fingers turning pages gently. Free hand brushing through Lilly's hair on occasion, never stuttering her pace. 

Soon , most of the kids were asleep, Lucas nodding off himself while Lilly and Darren were breathing soft and slow. The twins were down for the count and Jared's two boys were just barely conscious. Justice wasn't asleep yet though, I could see it in her eyes the way she was forcing herself to stay awake, to not give in. A look I knew very well, I went to move up from the chair I was in, fully intent on picking her up and placing her with her siblings. Only to freeze and sit back in the chair, Justice had slid from under the blanket only to crawl and worm her way into Jess's lap. 

Jess didn't react really, just moved the hand holding the book further away from herself, leting Justice get comfortable and settle down. Never once straying form her words until Justice and all the others were sound asleep. This woman, who didn't really know us, let my daughter crawl into her lap to sleep, withoug blinking an eye. 

Jess sat the book down gently, not moving from her undoubtedly uncomfortable spot sitting on the floor with my daughter in her lap. Jared and Gen had nodded off, it was only me and her awake. Surrounded by our families and kids. I found her piercing gaze and kept it for long moments. She was an intimidating thing, the pure strength coming off of her in waves. The way way she dealt with everything else almost coldly. She knew how to survive and keep surviving, and not only that but thrive in the process. She was our ticket to life. With a soft nod of understanding we shared a moment, I'm not sure what it meant, but it meant something. 

 


	7. Chapter 7

Morning came all too soon once again. The day started as any other did. Lucas woke the second I started to tug on my boots and from there the day went. Just with extra hands this time. Lucas went to feed the cows, Jensen helped me put the horses into the grazing corral for the day. Jared and Gen were shown how to feed the few chickens we had left and Gen appointed herself babysitter and for that I was thankful, it let Lucas help out more. 

"We gotta get your car out of the drive, it's noticeable." The pitchfork in my hand threw another small amount of dried grass to the cows. Early morning sunshine sprinkling through the canopy of leaves that were still left atop the trees. 

"Noticeable?" Jensen asked as he turned to look down the winding drive. The grass was overgrown, cracked pavement filled with limp brown weeds. It looked desolate and empty. But their car sat there, looking too new. It messed up the scene around it. 

"We don't get but a few strangers a year so far, I'd like to keep it less than that. Someone sees a car in the drive? Something new? What they gonna think?" I placed the pitchfork in its place by the barn door and crossed my arms to look at Jensen as he thought about it. 

"New car means...more people..."

"More people, new people, that's a danger to others. A danger to their safety wether you want it to be or not." Turning I checked the gate once more to make sure it was securely latched and then made my way towards the line of trees that partially hid the house and some of the barn from view. 

Jensen followed silently and I used half my attention to memorize his steps and the other half to start checking the small lines of cans low among the trees. He didn't say anything for a minute and I suppose he was contemplating what I hadn't said with my words a moment ago. I had told them yesterday, I would do anything to protect my kin, anything. 

"Can you shoot well?" My question startled him as I turned and leaned my shoulder on a thick sapling. The breeze was picking up and the chill in the air was getting far more noticeable now. 

"I do pretty well. I learned a few things on the show." He smirked a bit, a flash of his younger years and I smiled back a bit. It was hard not to really. I scoffed and shook my head. 

"Yeah I suppose you did.." Turning I kept up my slow pace, checking all the lines and then the small traps set just outside the perimeter of the house and yard. "Jensen, have you guys had to kill anyone yet?" I say yet because, sooner or later it needs to be done. You have to make that choice.

He's silent and I keep to my chore, letting him answer for himself as he follows silently behind me. I've had to do it already. A few times. I had to save my boyfriend from ravagers soon after the army fell, I had to shoot said boyfriend in the head once he was bit and turned, I had to slaughter a group of men who thought I was an easy target. That one shook me, more for the reason of Lucas being present the entire time from the roof of the house. He'd helped me haul the bodies to the backwoods that day. It couldn't be helped I suppose. There was blood on my hands and honestly, I didn't want to wash it off. It meant I'd won a battle nobody thought I could. I'd won, I'd survived.

"Yes." I wasn't really listening for a reply, he seemed as if he would keep that comment to himself and I would be fine either way for now. But I had needed to know and now I did but I needed to know why. 

"What happened." We were a ways from the house now, enough we could get back quickly but far enough we could have the moment of privacy from prying eyes or ears. Nothing but the chilled wind and the rustling of leaves at our feet. 

"Early spring, camped out in the car. Jared heard something and I went to look, couple a guys had knives and.... I took em out. Wasn't easy without a weapon and when I got back, Jared had to go back and shoot them before they turned."

"Good," he turned to look at me, stare disbelieving at my calm demeanor of the fact he'd killed a couple men who meant him and his own harm. I respect someone who will do whatever it takes. 

"Good? I killed them..."

"For the price of their lives for threatening yours. They would slaughter you the kids and Jared, take Gen to rape as they willed and then leave her to die. All for some supplies and food." I leaned forward and looked up into his face, marveled at how tall he was but I felt no less in strength or composure with the height difference. "We live to survive now Jensen, the world of cons and fundraisers is over and like it or not. The world ended and the dead now walk. Your children are top priority." I stood straighter and uncrossed my arms pointed up on that hill where his little girl was gently playing with her little toddler siblings. 

"Only the strong survive." And I walked back up on the hill, took the reins of the horse Lucas had saddled for me and jumped up. Let Jensen stew on that for awhile as I made a trip over the property like always. 

 


	8. Chapter 8

I think Jensen headed my words well. The man wanted to learn all he could, from cleaning weapons to riding and all the way to trying to mimic her footsteps while hunting. The last one he was having trouble with and to no end he always scared the game away , it was getting extremely frustrating. We needed the meat, we needed the pelts, we weren't making much headway and I HATE hunting in the dead of winter. 

With another growl, another doe galloping off into the woods, I turned on Jensen and glared at the older man before me. It was driving me insane, that this man wasn't quiet in his steps or how to breath without so much as a whisper even when panting heavily. I couldn't understand it, yet I had to remember, I had been taught these skills since a young age. A tribute to my heritage that was keeping me and others alive. 

This man played a hunter, The hunter, for over ten years. A hunter who needed to be silent, a hunter who needed to know these skills to save the lives of thousands of people. I grew angry with him, he was only trying to learn the skills he should have known. I didn't mean to be, but dammit.... this wasn't working.

"Shit... I didn't see.." The twig he hadn't seen, it was snapped under his boot. It was soft, but loud enough it had scared the game and we were now alone in the woods miles from the house.

"Jensen... ugh!" I growled and shoulder my bow, raking hands through my hair and praying to whatever was listening to give me strength. 

"Look I'm sorry, I didn't mean.." He was tripping over his words and I was growing angrier by the second. Couldn't he just... be a damn man?! Didn't he get it? That we needed to do these things, that we needed everything we could get before the snow hit us? He didn't have the skills ground into him, he didn't walk like I did or breath or think and it irritated the shit out of me...

I didn't speak, I simply stood from our crouching position and started moving through the brush, not caring of how loud my steps became or how I was disturbing the deer trails with my scent. I was angry, and it showed. So when Jensen went to grab my forearm to stop my stomping away, I nearly clocked him in the jaw. My fist was clenched at my side and I was ready to fight. God I needed a good fight. 

"Hey, chill out.." He didn't release his hold but I still ripped out from it, I hated being grabbed. 

"Chill out? Okay I'll chill out and we'll run out of food halfway through winter. We'll freeze to death because there isn't enough wood to burn and keep us warm. I'll chill out and the cattle will freeze, the horses will starve and we'll be eating ice to keep going.." I was breathing harsh, a snarl ready on my lips. I must have looked a wild animal the way my lip curled back and I was ready to bite into something. 

"Easy, easy girl.." He went to grab at my arms again and I'd had it. You do not grab me, you do not touch me. People have literally died because they've done those things. And I was so angry, so pent up and stressed out at this point, I needed to release it all. My fist swung and my foot slipped, a clumsy trip and I'm caught up in his arms. Heaving as he tries to hold me against his chest, my back to him and his hands holding my wrists across my chest, keeping me from doing anything but kicking out. Which he deflected with his knees. 

"Easy Jess..." And I hated it, I don't like being held down, all of this was just making it worse. 

"You got two seconds to let me go or so help me Jensen I will skin you." My voice was deep and angry and I liked the way it sounded and how it felt when he stiffened and slowly released my arms. He didn't expect the slap to his cheek but he should have, my hand stung with how solid his jaw was against my small wrist but I just glared and clenched my fist. 

"Don't you dare, ever grab me again Jensen Ackles, you hear me? I may have worshiped you when the world was alive but now you're just a man that better respect my boundaries if you want to stay here. I am smaller than you but I can stick a knife clean through your ribs so fast you wont feel it till your on the ground..." He nodded, raised his hands up in surrender and backed up, gave me space. 

"Sorry I just.." I knew what he was going to say, I needed to calm down. But no one's ever told me that and didn't get either a tongue lashing, a fight or a slap. I can calm down on my own and will, not by being told or made to sit still. 

"Let's go, plenty a daylight for another try. Watch your damn feet." He followed after a moment, he was slower moving through the trees but he was quieter now. He was trying. 

By the end of the day with the sun setting low we both had a buck, it wasn't as much as I'd like to have. But it was enough. He was trying and I felt the guilt well up in slapping him like I'd had. He'd tried to help and hadn't known how, and I struck him. This man wasn't trying to hurt me he was trying his best to help. 

By the time the house came into view we hadn't spoken a word in hours. Usually that was okay with me, now it weighed on my mind and I had to stop, touching his elbow gently to get his attention. "...I'm sorry.." That was it, I don't do long winded apoligies the rare times I did. There was no sense in explaining myself any further, so I turned and started back up the hill. Jensen followed soon after and I'd turned around I might have seen the strange way he was looking at me and how he shook his head and smiled as he followed me up the hill. 


	9. Chapter 9

The days pass and there's now a space between Jensen and I. He sees it, I see it, hell even Jared sees it, but no one says anything and I'm so damn thankful for that, I do not need this shit to deal with right now. We don't openly avoid each other, but there are very few words spoken between us, only when needed while hunting and thankfully he's gotten much better at it since the episode where he tried to forcibly calm me down. He works hard and has such a serious face lately, I hadn't meant to kill his smile.

With the first frost appearing in the morning, a deep chill in the air and warm breath puffing up like smokey waves from my lips, I knew it would be a hard winter. It was mid fall, what should have been by my internal clock, and it was frosting already, it could only mean the cold was coming in quicker than I thought it would, damn. Lucas could feel my trepidation, the nervousness I got when the seasons change. He and his siblings now in my sole care for nearly three years, knew the colder months were hard. His eyes were searching mine for reassurance that we'd make it another winter and what more could I do, but smile and ruffle his hair, tell him to go feed the cows and to watch how much grain we had. 

As Lucas scampered off to the barn, my eyes searching for any dead that had gotten through the series of deadfalls and traps through the night, I felt him. It's not hard to notice a presence you''d been narrowly avoiding for a week or more. His footsteps lighter but still holding that heavy bowlegged gait and I have to blink it away, the years of daydreaming that Dean would somehow pop into the real world and need my help. A pipe dream, a wisp of smoke that every teenage and middle aged woman had as they watched the show like I had. I had to remind myself, this wasn't a fairy-tale, and this wasn't a dream. This was real and Dean Winchester was nothing but a character on paper and nothing more. Jensen was real and he was standing beside me as I looked over the hillside. 

We stood in silence for several moments, watching the sunlight pour over the tree line and warm the frost covered grass and dried leaves. The breeze picked up and I suppressed a shudder from the cold, I needed to get out my coat but hadn't had the time or thought until now. Never noticing the chill most days because I focus so much on other more important things. I would need to, soon, or I could face getting sick. I had to think of the kids now, more of them now. 

"What's the plan for today." His voice was low but the deep timber of it made it louder then it needed, threw a tenseness down my spine. My hair flew into my face and I had to clamp my jaw for a moment to get rid of the chattering it wanted to do, I'd be warm soon enough. 

"Frost came early, let's get the horses hitched up and bring in those logs to chop. We'll need the wood soon." He only nodded and hugged his leather jacket closer to his body reaching up to fasten the buttons with large hands. I didn't say anything else, just turned and head to the barn, growling internally at myself to just get my damn coat form the house but not wanting to stop what I was doing. 

We worked in silence for a long time. Hitching the horses up to harnesses and dragging the ropes into the woods. Working with the sound crunching leaves under hooves and feet and the soft huffs of warm breath from the horses in the air around us. The logs weren't that thick but were fairly long and once the horses hauled them back up toward the house it was easy for us to roll them toward the wood pile and get started on sawing and chopping. Jared coming out to help as well while Lucas went back inside to help with the younger kids. 

A touch at my shoulder had me reeling back from the sudden contact, my hands tightening on the ax in my grip, Jensen standing by me with a concerned expression on his face.

"What?"

"Jess your lips are blue, go inside." His brow furrowed and Jared even stopped his sawing to nod as well, concern on both their faces. With all the work I had been doing I hadn't realized the chill until I had stopped for a moment. The chilly breeze pushing against my now sweat soaked flannel and shirt, freezing it to my skin as I started to chatter my teeth. I was cold.

"Jesus.." Before I could answer his initial question Jensen had peeled his coat off and thrown it around my shoulders. He knew better then to move me without my permission so instead held open the sides for me to put my arms though, my movements jerky. "Inside Jess, before you get hypothermia, we got this."

"You'll need this.." I started to take the jacket off, if I was going inside it would be more useful on him then it would me, fit better too. I was swimming in the darned thing. He raised his hands, I just shook my head, handing it back to him without another word and heading toward the house. 

Once the door shut behind me, I had to take a moment to breath. I hadn't kept the jacket for one reason. It had smelled like him, like deodorant and a hint of old sweat, a bit of supple leather and oddly, spearmint toothpaste. It had made my mind go blank, I wanted nothing more than to curl up with that jacket and breath it in for hours. I couldn't do that and the blush on my cheeks was well hidden under the pink flush I had from going into the warmth of the house. 

As I sat down with Gen and played with the kids I knew, I needed to watch myself. Or I'd become someone I would have slapped in my former life. A woman who goes after a widower with small children. Nope, nope nope nope, I needed to stay away from that god like man that was living in my house after so long of living in my television. 

I'm in trouble. 


	10. Chapter 10

Snow hit finally and with it came the freezing cold we'd been not so eagerly awaiting and with the cold and snow, came the hours of staying inside every day to keep from becoming ice cubes. Every morning at daybreak the horse and cows were fed, the chickens eggs collected and more wood brought in. But then it was back inside, in the warmth of the wood stove and the fog on the windows. 

And with that, there were eight kids that needed something to occupy their time. Lucas was usually fine, he would read the few books I had or help entertain his younger brother and sister. Now Lilly had Justice to keep her company, Jared adorable boys Always played well together and Darren now joined in their play. But the twins, Jensen's little toddlers, were another ballgame entirely. They couldn't color or play games like the other kids, they could barely walk and everything in sight they put in their mouths. I'd forgotten how much you have to pay attention to these little guys, it had been a few years since Lilly was even that little. 

Most of the kids were on the floor, surrounded by coloring books and old newspapers I grabbed when on runs, and crayons, coloring to their hearts content. Lucas was playing a board game with Darren who barely understood the rules but Lucas didn't mind at all, and little Arrow was currently in my lap. I had seen the distress on Jensen's face moments ago as he was trying to change Zep while keeping Arrow from waddling away and getting into the wood pile, again. 

She was so beautiful, this little bright eyed girl that I was currently playing peek-a-boo with. Her giggle was contagious and I fond myself laughing along with her. Kissing her little hands and making funny faces, I felt nostalgic, I had done all these things and more with my niece and nephews. Long weekends babysitting, days spent out on the farm watching them. Hours at county fairs and theme park trips, I loved these kids. They were my world. I found myself wanting all that for these kids, for Jared and Jensen's children, but that wouldn't happen. Not anymore. 

There wouldn't be days in the park, or going to school. There wouldn't be anymore rollercoaster rides or yearly trips to Disney world. No more days spent swimming or anything else like that. It sickened me, that this had to happen to them but, we'd make it work, we'd survive and we'd thrive and we'd do it together. 

With Arrow starting to fuss sleepily I stood and started to rock her gently on my hip, humming gently as I walked slowly from one side of the room to the other. Gen gave me a friendly smile from across the room and I returned it, she was a good woman, a good mom, and I bet was relieved she didn't need to have the twins on her plate as she had been with all the other children since they arrived here. I could understand, there were a lot of kids here. 

It didn't take long for her to fall sleep, I should've put her down but just couldn't. She was so sweet and tiny, cradled in my arms and sleeping on my chest. The way her chest rose and fell with soft even breaths. Instead of putting her down I gently moved to sit on the floor nearby the stove, leaning my back against the wall and holding the toddler to my chest. 

And like clockwork as soon as I sat down Justice pretty much gave up what she was doing and sat in my lap. I didn't know what I did for this little girl to be so accepting of me, but I didn't mind and neither did Jensen. The moment I looked up and locked eyes with the man I paused. The way he was looking at me, a heat in his gaze. The blush on my cheeks was uncalled for and I looked away, focusing back on arrow against me and brushing my hand through Justice's hair. Several moments passed, or it could have been longer that I sat there holding these two girls in my arms. Listening to the howling winds pick up outside signaling a storm could be brewing.   
I hadn't even realized Jensen moved over to me, his back leaning just inches from my own against the wall, I could feel his natural body heat so close to my own. I watched him from the corner of my eye, Zeppelin snoozing in his lap, Jensen's big hand reaching over to brush the bangs off of Justice's face as she dozed with her head on my knee. She looked so much like Jensen, she was gorgeous.

"You're good with them." With his voice I glanced up at him and scoffed the tiniest bit, wary of waking up the baby in my arms. 

"Practice, years of it." I pointed to Lucas across the room who was reading to the other kids now, all asleep but Lilly. "I was eight when he was born and was made the official babysitter. Couldn't change a diaper or make a bottle but I learned."

"Bet you made a killing watching all three of them." He chuckled softly and I nodded.

"My sister's husband was loaded." I gestured to the house big cabin around us. "Obviously, so whenever I watched these guys I made easily three hundred or more. Not to mention things like sleepovers or pool parties."

"Jeeze, that's more then I ever payed for a nightly sitter."

"I know right? I bought my first car with that money, the big grey stallion out in the barn too." I stared at the taxidermy deer heads high up on the walls, the exposed vaulted ceiling. "It's all worthless now, the thousands I saved up... " I scoffed and rolled my eyes. "I was ready to go to college you know, before... I could afford the first two semesters on my own, even an apartment... pointless."

"It's not.." he trailed off and I could hear him scoff slightly. "Uou know, you're right, it is pointless now and i was rich." He nudged my arm gently. "You're the smartest person here Jess, college would be pointless for you anyways." 

And you know what, I blushed so effing hard at that. No one had ever in my life told me I was that smart. Hell, no one had ever told me I was even a little bit smart in my life. It was always, 'you're so weird', 'why would you need to know all that stupid survival stuff', 'that's all just pointless information so it's useless'. 

"You're so intelligent, me and Jared, hell we'd never chopped wood by hand before, or cleaned a gun, nothing we knew before really mattered after everything happened. You, you knew it all already, you were ready because of how smart you are." I was beet red and hid my face behind the my waves of hair. I hadn't realized how those words would effect me so much, I wanted to cry. 

Thankfully Arrow started to stir and whimper, wanting her twin to sleep with like usual and I handed her gently to Jensen as he stood himself. Green met blue and I had to look away, the man could make me lose my mind with a look and a smirk. I was already getting some kind of look, I didn't need the smirk or anything else. I'd die. He didn't need to be doing this to me, and I hoped he wasn't aware of it.

When dusk neared I wrapped up tight in hoodies and coats, strapped my boots on and headed outside to the barn. I didn't want to risk Lucas catching a cold so I made him stay inside instead of helping me like he usually did. I needed the small amount of time to think for myself, maybe a few minutes to talk to my horse where no one would think I'm a wee bit crazy for doing so. The barn was warmer then the winds outside and I made my way to the back stalls in the big building. An eager grey and white faced head poked form the stall and whinnied at me. His papered name was Gunpowder and Lead at Your Head, but I just called him Winchester. I know it was cliche and showed my obsession, but the name stuck and he was such an amazing animal. I was glad he was here with me. 

The barn door opened and closed and I sighed, "Lucas I told you to stay in, you're gonna catch cold out here." Silence, just footsteps on the hay covered dirt and I paused, leaned around my horses head to see who it was and Jensen's chest was inches from my face. Too close, too sudden I stepped back out of instinct. "Jensen?"

He didn't answer me for a moment and I grew worried, this wasn't his normal behavior. Though I didn't know this man, not yet at least, I was learning his habits but slowly. I didn't know what he was doing out here or why he was petting my horse gently and not looking at me. This faraway look in his eyes. 

"You know...I've been trying really damn hard... to not look at you the way I do.. but it's so hard.." My brow furrowed as he continued to speak. 

"I don't understand...."

"But then you go and do something like rock my little girl to sleep, or brush out Justice's hair... or even just staring out at that hill like you do every morning." He pats the horse once more and then full body turns to look at me. "Do you even know what you do to me?"

As I shook my head no, he stepped closer. Not quite boxing me in but slowly caging me between the thick wood wall of the barn and his bigger body. His hands gently landing on the wall beside my shoulders and I stared at his chest. Breathing deep through my nose, eyes wide at his forward approach. 

He leaned forward, nose inches from my ear, hot breath against my neck and I could not for the life of me stop the shiver that ran full bodied down my spine at the closeness of him. "Do you even know Jess?" And lord help me his lips touched the shell of my ear and my knees buckled. His arms wrapped around my waist and ribs, holding me up but he didn't stop the contact of his mouth on my skin and neck. Lord in heaven kill me now, because I'm in heaven.


	11. Chapter 11

"We sh-shouldn't..." My voice was raspy, low and didn't sound the least bit convincing as my hands clung to the back of his leather coat. His breath hot and moist against my neck, teeth gently scraping over the shell of my ear. His bulk pressing into me, back against the wall. We shouldn't , we really shouldn't. This was wrong, he was married! Technically?

"Tell me to stop, I'll stop..." He didn't sound like he wanted to, at all. He kept his mouth against my skin, delving further down until he had to use a hand to tug down the collars of my sweaters and jackets to get at the flesh covering my collarbone and fuck if I didn't moan when his teeth nipped along the soft spot beneath my jaw, that weak spot animals protected so damned much. 

I didn't want him to stop, so when he leaned back and locked eyes with me. Big rough palm cupping my chin and cheek like I was made of paper scraps and moth whispers. I couldn't tell him no. Because I'd wanted this from the moment I'd first seen him years ago. Years of wanting and wishing and daydreaming and lusting. Then he had shown up, on my doorstep and he was here. Here he was, real, holding me up on weak legs as he kissed me senseless. Why the hell would I ever say no to him?

My fingers found his chestnut hair, loner now and reaching his cheekbones, and I pulled him down, lips and teeth crashing as a growl rose in my throat, low and lustful. My legs wrapped around his hips as he grabbed my thighs to spread me open and press me roughly against the wall of the barn. God it felt so good, the pressure of him between my legs made my thighs ache and clench. 

"Damn coat.." He'd had enough with my layers and was manhandling the zipper on my fleece winter coat, the metl contraption sticking with his rough movements. My eyes lifted and I bit my lip. If anyone came to check on us we'd be in full sight of the door, I didn't much like that idea. 

My hands found his shoulders and I went to drop my legs down, his confusion making me point to the door and understanding dawned his features. "Hay loft..." The squeal that came out of my mouth was the most unladylike thing I'd ever heard myself make, the way he grabbed me up by the thighs and threw me over his shoulders. His movements to the stairs at the back quick and measured, hands warm and firm on my thighs as he held me in place. "You know, I don't need the caveman act.."

He chuckled and slid a hand between my clenched thighs, eliciting a wanton whimper from my lips as his fingers rubbed just right against he seem of my denim jeans. So close to that bundle of nerves yet so far away, it was enough to make me growl and wriggle in his grip, not caring that we may fall back down the double flight of narrow stairs. 

Soon enough I'm tossed, gently, onto a pile of dried grass. Little puffs of hay dust rising as I try to slip off the thick coat on my torso. Jensen had other ideas, dropping to his knees on top of me and tackling my lips once more, tongues clashing and fighting for dominance as his hips rocked into the space between my thighs, rubbing once again on that spot. 

The voice in the back of my head wanted attention, wanted to scream at me that this wasn't right. Fuck that bitch, I listened to her too damned much. I wanted this, no matter the consequences. His palms slid under my sweaters, fresh callouses rubbing against the soft skin of my rib cage and fingertips just brushing the underside of my breasts. My hips squirming up against his as he grunted and groaned whenever I tried to move closer or push back harder. 

"Fuck.." He couldn't take it any longer and neither could I, the fumbled quick movements of zippers pulled down, clothes pushed so we wouldn't freeze and hot mingled breath in the confined space was all that we heard. All that was around us. He paused, I felt the heat and weight of him against my thigh. Hot and heavy and HARD, and I squirmed my legs, pitched my hips and whined from deep in my throat like I never had before. He didn't pause after that, teeth found he soft on the cord of my neck again and he thrust forward. 

"Nuuugh!" My head threw back into the hay, as I groaned out a primal gasp from deep in my chest. He was thick, long and it had been a long ass while since I'd had sex. I was tight, could feel every muscle surround all of him and clamp down hard.

"Shhh." His lips found my ear and teeth tugged, hips canted back and then forward again and I made that same sound. His breath chuckled into my ear and I blushed a deep red, my hands trailing under his own clothes to claw at the corded muscles of his back, to hold onto anything I could. "There you go.." He could feel my muscles relax around him, accept him deeper and make me whimper pathetically. 

In no time he's barreling into me. The scratching of the hay on bare skin ignored as we panted and tried to be silent as we could. His grip bruising on my hip and the other palming and rolling my nipple in his fingers. God I felt high, like I'd smoked a heavy blunt of the good stuff and was flying above the clouds. Every thrust he hits my clit with his pubic bone and god the tug and pull of his movements made me wriggle under him. He liked that, from the way his breath would smirk against my skin and he'd lean back every now and then and watch me move under him.   
Once all is said and done and he's gasping or breath above me, his forehead against my shoulder, warmth spreading inside me, do I realize what we've actually done. It'll hit me later, I'm sure, the wrongness and I'll find a reason why it should never happen again. But...but damn if it wasn't the best...ever. 

I'm breathing harsh, shuddering as the cold starts seeping back into my sweat cooled skin now that we were still and calming down. His nose pushing my jaw to look at him, to open my eyes and let him look deep. Too lost still in my euphoria to really care what he was looking for, I just let him look and then he's got this little smile on his lips, a nervous thing and he's leaning down and touching his lips to mine. Sweet and soft and totally different than that first one. 

Getting our clothes righted took time, and I grimaced as he kneeled up and off of me. Warmth, sticky and slimy dribbled from between my thighs and I groaned at the mess we'd made. I'd have to bath after that, there was no hiding this and I had to get cleaned up. His hands touched my thighs and I looked up, let him gently push my legs wider. He'd pulled a handkerchief from one of his back pockets. Blushing deeper than ever, no one had ever... even attempted...

He cleaned me up best he could without soap and water, left feather light kisses on my sweaty skin and then pulled me up to my feet and shaky legs. Tugging up my jeans and even buckling my belt for me, I suppose any reason to keep touching skin as he finally had me dressed back besides my heavy coat. 

I didn't know what would happen after this but, I really didn't care. I really didn't give a single fuck. The way down the stairs was rough, I was raw and sore and Jensen could tell. His hands on my hips and he just carried me down, easy as pie. What I didn't expect was Genevieve to be standing inside the barn door. Hand on her mouth in shock as if shed heard the whole thing...

"Shit..."

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are Love
> 
> Comments are Life


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